“I will love you so you can change,
not change you so I can love you.”
~ Brett Jones
What is love? Its an interesting question and whilst there are many poetic interpretations of it there is no one definition that everyone agrees on. One thing we can be certain of though, love is one of the most important things to us as it defines our humanity. Our ability to express love has enabled us to reach higher peaks of consciousness. We are however not the only creatures though to express it. Every living thing in one way or another expresses the desire to assist others grow. A mother will suckle its calf, ants build the nest for the queen and the colony.
That seems to be the main common theme to what love is. A desire to assist others to grow and be more. We can do that by action in assisting them or by encouragement. Both lead to the same expression.
As the ancient Indian Vedic texts say:
“He one who loves all intensely
begins perceiving in all living beings
a part of himself.
He becomes a lover of all,
a part and parcel of the Universal Joy.
He flows with the stream of happiness,
and is enriched by each soul.”
This is the highest form of love to express it from a place of connection with the divine within. It is often true in life that the smallest changes in a strategy can produce the biggest result and that is certainly true with love. The real dilemma is created when we enter into a relationship and we expect to get our needs meet. The ego steps in and trades its form of love for what love really is. The ego’s form is “Do for me and I’ll do for you.”
This applies at work and at home. When we create an environment of you being there for others, they bloom. It is not wisdom to drive others to your will, history shows that inevitably they will revolt and leave. This applies on all levels on inter-relationship from an individual to a country or state level. Applying an attitude of benefiting others always provides a great benefit to the one giving. Lao Tzu, author of the Tao Te Ching puts it succinctly…
“The sage does not hoard.
The more he helps others, the more he benefits himself.
The more he gives to others, the more he gets himself.
The Way of Heaven does one good but never does one harm.
The Way of the sage is to act but not to compete.”
I put this into practice with my Father when it seemed difficult to understand his behaviors and attitudes which could have easily been interpreted as unloving and lacking compassion. By simply hugging him and letting him know that I love him, it transformed him for me into someone I could love. In turn he felt it and it changed him.
This is the power we have of love. The person that annoys you the most, be they a family member or someone at work can become the perfect person to practice the power of our love with. So when you experience annoyance with someone. Ask yourself the question; Am I seeking to get here or to give? What am I not giving this person that they are unconsciously carrying out this behavior to get from me? There is great transformation available in that moment of contemplation and awareness. It can transform your family, your life or your business.