For those interested in Conscious Parenting, “The Observer Effect” is an incredible principle to apply for parenting and in turn they will be giving their children the tools to become conscious co-creators themselves! There are 1,500,000 keyword searches for Parenting in Google per month globally! Without a doubt parents throughout the world are desperately seeking wisdom to support their endeavor of raising children.
One of my favorite quotes regarding parenting that has stuck with me throughout the years is, “I knew everything there was to know about parenting until I had a child!” I had read this a couple of years before I had my daughter. At the time I thought, “ha”, that’s funny. Then two years after my daughter was born The T2 year hit! The terrible twos times two!
That quote suddenly took on whole new meaning as it became the byline for my perplexing quest for solutions as I’m looking at this child having Tasmanian devil temper tantrums! My initial observation was, “This is not my DNA!” Lol! and then what the heck am I to do with this child?!
When looking for parenting solutions we have to consider this principle…What you stand against you empower… you get more of the same! It takes a minute to breathe and come from a place of being proactive vs. reactive. So when you are counting to 10 to compose yourself, take those 10 seconds to consider what the opposite emotional response is of what you are receiving.
Children mirror our behavior so consider these common reactive responses: Yelling to tell your children to stop yelling or slapping a child to tell them to stop hitting. You just responded the same way they are so your words don’t match your actions and you are sending mixed messages.
By applying “The Observer Effect” principles you can diffuse the unwanted behavior quite often with an opposite response. A simple way to diffuse unwanted behavior is to set the tone. The opposite of yelling is whispering. Start to talk in a whisper to your child. I had amazing results with this! My daughter had to quit crying and raging to hear what I was saying and then the most amazing thing happened! She started to whisper back, completely mimicking my tone! Tasmanian devil temper tantrum averted, SUCCESS!
This is not to say you wander around blocking out and ignoring your child’s behavior as they rage at the top of their lungs while you continue shopping. It seems to be a prevailing parenting trend as of late. Ignoring your children’s behavior does not offer a solution to the origin of their stress and frustration based behavior. They need something more, either reassurance or guidance and for you to be present, engaged and interacting with them. Letting them know that you hear them, offer a time based solution and also let them know that we need to respect others around us.
Around the age of three my daughter saw her father every other weekend. She was happy and excited to see me upon returning home when suddenly she snapped and was in full meltdown attack mode after a visit. Kicking me and hitting me I asked her what the heck was going on!
“I’ve been so good for so long I just can’t stand it anymore!” she said. Out of the mouths of babes come such wisdom! I knew immediately what she meant. She could let out all her frustrations on me because she knew her home was an unconditional safe place to do so.
Children need to vent their frustrations of their day just like adults. We need to provide them positive outlets for this. Helping our children process the events of their day and also broaden their perspective to see the positive along with the negative. Every night at bedtime I would ask my daughter, “What is the worst thing that happened today?”
More often than not, there would be a rapid fire lists of her daily frustrations and grievances. Then I would ask “What is the best thing that happened today?” Of course her response was, ” Nothing!” But I would insist that she find at least one thing that was good and reluctantly she would find something. This is a wonderful opportunity to engage our children as observers in their own lives and see the good that is there rather than only focusing on the negative events of their day.
Children need their parents energy and as such will seek it by positive or negative means if necessary. They need you to engage in order to be present. So much of the time we are mentally in five different places. So our bodies might be there but our minds have left the building! Children are very feeling and intuitive. These sensory perceptions are their strongest form of communication for the child from birth as the thinking analytical logical part of the mind has not developed yet. They feel your emotional mental response before you have said a word. I teach the Mongan Method of HypnoBirthing, which teaches women to use hypnosis for natural childbirth. There is a section where we teach the mothers to communicate with their babies verbally and mentally to change their babies positions in the womb during the birthing phase. So you see, before our children even enter this world we are able to influence them using “The Observer Effect” principles!
Start to play with “The Observer Effect” principles in calm moments in order to train your own reactive response impulses. To begin with, build the picture in your mind of what you want to happen. Silently visualize your children picking up their toys or being willing participants during bath time. You will be pleasantly surprised at how often your intent manifests without a word and it will inspire you to apply it in all areas of your life!
Lastly, be gentle with yourself. We are after all still human and as such are subject to being easily reactive from sleep deprivation and our physical and mental daily stresses. But the more often we can guide ourselves to be proactive rather than reactive, the more we can help ourselves and society at large. We are not just raising our child, we are raising future members of society and as parents we are the most powerful influence in their lives. By modeling the behavior we wish to Empower our children with is the strongest way to send that message without saying a word!
Next month we will explore how “The Observer Effect” principles can literally can change the energetic and nutritional value of our food. The saying, “We are, what we eat” has never been more true now than ever before from a scientific point of view. Science is now able to identify how thought effects matter, specifically the molecular structure of food and water for better and worse!